There are moments in a life when the world does not break with a bang, but slowly shifts. Not visibly in one single event, but in an accumulation of small disruptions that together damage something fundamental: trust.

For me, that started around 2017.

At first, they were isolated technical problems. Accounts behaving strangely. Access becoming unstable. Systems I needed for my work suddenly no longer being predictable. As an entrepreneur in the digital sector, you automatically assume the cause lies with yourself: an error, a misconfiguration, a mistake. That is also the only way you can keep functioning.

But over time, the nature of those experiences changed. And what made it difficult was not only the technical disruption itself, but the way that disruption could be interpreted. There were moments when events coincided in such a way that, for me, they created a feeling that was difficult to ignore, as if something in my digital environment was responding to me.

After some time, I also experienced situations in which, in digital and social interactions, extremely serious and deeply distressing accusations were explicitly directed at me. I experienced being referred to, in direct communication and in contexts where I found myself, with terms that linked me to paedophilia.

It did not remain one incident, but became a repeated pattern. On a daily basis I faced bizarre forms of digital intimidation: wallpapers changing into a prison with the Dutch flag, cryptographic descriptions apparently meant to gauge my reaction, manipulated photos and videos, fake newspaper articles claiming I was a member of the Mocro Mafia, comparisons with a paedophile, and other bizarre stories.

For me, this was profoundly shocking and destabilising. Not only because of the content of those accusations, but also because of the way such labels can arise, circulate, or remain present in a digital environment without it being clear to me on what basis, in what context, or under what authority this was happening.

What made this experience even heavier was that I could not see any transparent framework through which I could understand where such expressions came from or how they related to formal processes. That lack of clarity contributed to a long-lasting sense of uncertainty and tension.

Unbelievable: more than 100 letters sent to every possible authority, and eight criminal complaints filed against the police in the Netherlands. These were submitted digitally via the internet, and one day after filing they were neatly removed, as if I had never submitted them. Is that not criminal? I also tried three times to file a report at the Burgwallen police station in Amsterdam. I was sent away; I was not allowed to file a report.

What follows when such a collection of experiences accumulates is something other than a technical problem. It becomes a mental condition: a constant attempt to gain control over something that cannot be explained unambiguously. And that consumes energy, concentration, and ultimately trust in the infrastructure on which your work depends.

I lost everything: a company that had a monthly turnover of 30,000 euros, Bioherby, my positivity, and my life. This manifested as complex PTSD, which nine years later still affects me: daily nightmares and depression. I have decided that now, in 2026, I will pursue MRI therapy, in the hope that one day I can leave this trauma behind me.

To investigate this hack and digital intimidation, I started the Cybersecurity programme at the Amsterdam University of Applied Sciences in 2023. I completed it successfully, graduating cum laude with an average grade of 8.02.

But more important than the diploma was the perspective it gave me: systems are not a mystery. They are built from layers, logic, and human choices. And everything that is built can also be investigated. Recently, I discovered that people have the right to access police files when they are mentioned in them. I have now submitted several file-access requests to the Public Prosecution Service and the Police, including through my counsel.

The WJSG/AVG/WPG and WOO requests concern the right to obtain access to all personal data, police data, and government documents relating to me, as well as insight into the processing, disclosure, origin, and any exchange of those data, regardless of whether the data were processed nationally or internationally.

And every investigation begins with the willingness to ask: what is factually known, and what is not? In my view, the Dutch Police have clearly exceeded the law here. More strongly: several investigations point to illegal investigative methods that would not be permitted in any European country. To be continued. Read more about this story on GayJustice.org.